I'm actually a little offended for once.

this is not about you or the stranger sitting to my left.

this is the way I felt when you left my hanging on every noun, verb, adjective that came rolling off your tounge as you spoke your bittersweet nothings.

you deleted me from your life just as easily as you did off your facebook.

time wasted dwelling over how to make you like me.

unessesary insecurites because of your fears

choking in your throat and spilling out into insults headed in my direction.

the strength for me to move on came from you leaving me.

trying to hurt me discretely forever would have been your best bet,

but you choose to try to hurt me publicly,

and that, my dearest, horribly sickening disease, is something that will not do with me.

what a catch.

If I could make you see under my skin, what crawls in my veins, breaks my bones, punctures my heart, devours my soul, and what leaves a gaping hole in my brain, breathing would be a foreign task.

Things you should know about me now.

• I'm becoming more caring, understanding, and sentimental towards people. Its a process, but I'm getting the hang of it.
• Out of all my "friends" I used to care about I only have about five I even care about anymore, suck off, (welp that just contradicts the first statement)
• Nothing matters more to me then trying to figure out what I want out of life when the summer ends. Its already leaving a bittersweet taste in my mouth.
• My insomnia is almost gone, either that or I'm staying up so late from work that me sleeping in is me thinking I'm actually sleeping now.
• My confidence level is through the roof I just need my hairs to grow.
• I wouldn't stop any of this if I could. You wanna know why? Because no matter how soft I get, I'm always going to kick you and life in the ass and then kiss your face later.
• I'm free of the asshole thats been tormenting me since spring break and it felt good just to RIP on him and not give a DAMN about how he felt for once.
• This fall is going to be great all because of Lansing.
• I still can't believe I have my high school diploma I feel like crying everytime I see it.
• I'm still only open about certain things, such as me hating you, but not about my sex life.

mark my words

whether its water from the sky or water from my eyes,
you're always in my brain and always wanted through your lies.
I'm seeing the way you hate me and the way they all stare.

I'm feeling the lies through your lines.
Like death chills your spine.
You'll never come back to that but you'll come back to me.

ruined.

I don't believe in love, so don't try to make me fall for your amber eyes.

My hearts literally cold even for my friends nowadays. I can't stand it when people utter the words "I love you, " to me. You don't know whats in my mind and if you did you wouldn't "love me."

Secretly, I'm hoping you'll show me what it really is, but until then, I don't believe in love. People are interesting, and I love them but they don't love me. Thats how it is for now.

wasted

I CANNOT BELIEVE I WASTED ALMOST HALF MY ADOLESCENCE ON YOU.

You are not even worth the grime off the bottom off my shoe. Your new skank shows me your hypocrisy. I could always see right through you, its disgusting that I thought I was in love. I'm so mad at myself.

favorite things

my constellation/star sign.

me and my twin are hot, I know.

I did this in my English class today, in front of everyone.

Dig it.

the northern lights, both of these are in canada.

the moon is so beautiful.

the boys in my trio/band are really the only ones that

will ever be good enough to me to even consider dating.

ok go! enough said.

acceptance and rejection

I can't wait until this week is over. I just want to crawl in a hole and die already. List of things that probably make me a sad person/list of things that probably shouldn't happen:

1. If someone ever learned some Buddy Holly for me, played guitar and sang awesome along with it, I'd automatically hop into bed with them.


2. I laughed during the whole church service today and couldn't take anything they said seriously AND kept making dirty jokes in up in my head about the whole service.


3. No matter how hard I try, I always fall for artists and muscians. Its gross.


4. Sometimes I go to the bathroom but not really GO to the bathroom or have a cigarette just to be by myself when I'm with other people.


5. I don't facebook creep, I youtube creep.


6. I've been in love with the same guy since fifth grade, and hes not a celebrity.


7. I hate everyone today.


8. I think spitting on people I hate is okay, when really thats not okay in any circumstance.


9. I like hearing myself sing, when I'm in the car by myself I don't even turn the radio on. I just sing.


10. This blog.

Yep, this weekend was messed up.