Since I can't talk about family problems on here because SOMEONE will read it and tell my parents all I have to say is one inappropriate thing and I'm done,
YOU ARE ALL f***HEADS I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MY DEGUS.
September 24, 2010
September 23, 2010
you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.
Gosh! I just can't get enough of Mumford and Sons as of now! I've been listening to it for days now. I also am loving The Mountain Goats. MG is an old band that I forgot about though and I just picked back up again. But music is filling me up full lately. My facebook is not working either, and its just my facebook. Like, its not my internet obviously because I'm on here and Grooveshark, so thats weird.
Today was decent. I realized how attracted I actually was to a certain someone, hah. Do you ever have that happen to you? Like all of the sudden you're talking to somebody or walking with them and then it just suddenly hits you. My thought when this happened was "Holy shit, now thats what I was waiting for." When this happens with somebody new, it makes me feel so alive. Then reality kicks me in the ass and is like "Hey there, he has a girfriend. Don't want to ruin that, huh?" I'm never and not ever going to be mean enought to take someone away from someone else unless its like extreme circumstances. I really don't know what the situation would have to be to do that though. HAH, so then you start feeling like a fool all over again, except this time I kind of didn't. Because I felt like something was actually going to happen someday. With time. That reality is just telling me I'm not ready for that yet. At least I think thats what it is. I have hope, I always do no matter how bad it might hurt me later. So that feeling made me kindof start believing in love again?
I'm eating McDonalds right now. I like it but I feel gross. I wonder if theres a disorder where you think your teeth are rotting out of your head constantely. Or you think you're going to get a cavity with like everything you eat. If there is a phobia like that, I definately have it. Everytime I drink pop or like go out to eat and eat something bad, my teeth feel like they're rotting. Like, it feels like they're slowly decaying and theres nothing I can do about it. And I think I brush my teeth a little too much when I'm at home. And when I'm somewhere else, I sneak in a few brushes when I'm "going to the bathroom". This is all pretty pathetic, but its the truth. After you've had braces for days on end, its hard not to think like that. If this isn't the case, I must be freaking insane.
Today was decent. I realized how attracted I actually was to a certain someone, hah. Do you ever have that happen to you? Like all of the sudden you're talking to somebody or walking with them and then it just suddenly hits you. My thought when this happened was "Holy shit, now thats what I was waiting for." When this happens with somebody new, it makes me feel so alive. Then reality kicks me in the ass and is like "Hey there, he has a girfriend. Don't want to ruin that, huh?" I'm never and not ever going to be mean enought to take someone away from someone else unless its like extreme circumstances. I really don't know what the situation would have to be to do that though. HAH, so then you start feeling like a fool all over again, except this time I kind of didn't. Because I felt like something was actually going to happen someday. With time. That reality is just telling me I'm not ready for that yet. At least I think thats what it is. I have hope, I always do no matter how bad it might hurt me later. So that feeling made me kindof start believing in love again?
I'm eating McDonalds right now. I like it but I feel gross. I wonder if theres a disorder where you think your teeth are rotting out of your head constantely. Or you think you're going to get a cavity with like everything you eat. If there is a phobia like that, I definately have it. Everytime I drink pop or like go out to eat and eat something bad, my teeth feel like they're rotting. Like, it feels like they're slowly decaying and theres nothing I can do about it. And I think I brush my teeth a little too much when I'm at home. And when I'm somewhere else, I sneak in a few brushes when I'm "going to the bathroom". This is all pretty pathetic, but its the truth. After you've had braces for days on end, its hard not to think like that. If this isn't the case, I must be freaking insane.
September 21, 2010
Freaky Eaters
Can you imagine drinking like 30 cans of cola a day? Or imagine eating raw meat by the chunk? I almost can feel my teeth rotting away from sugar. I can see me going to the dentist and having them remove my decayed teeth. I can see me going to the doctor for medicene to get rid of the tapeworm I've acquired from eating like a wolf. No cola or meat for me anymore. I'd be a fish, I'd eat veggies and drink water.
Its so weird how different you look at others when you hear how about how they've treated someone. When a person tells you somebody treated them bad or put them in a bad place. When somebody tells you albout how a person made you laugh, cry, hurt, love, scream, sing. You think of them in a way you never had before. When someone asks me if you were good at something and I tell them yes, they laugh. They say they'll never look at you the same. My feelings will get the best of me someday. My wall is getting weaker every sleepless night.
Night is when the enemy, the emotions, sneak attacks and goes for my heart first. Then my heart screams, my brain hears it up through my esophogus and my head hurts for my heart. The warriors try to escape by leaving my body through the tears. The tears get to my sleeping dogs and makes them feel as if they need to treat me. The dogs try to protect me but my heart keeps screaming, my head keeps hurting, and the warriors eventually come no more. When will the end of the war come? When will love and piece prevail? You tell me and you'll be my hero forever.
Its so weird how different you look at others when you hear how about how they've treated someone. When a person tells you somebody treated them bad or put them in a bad place. When somebody tells you albout how a person made you laugh, cry, hurt, love, scream, sing. You think of them in a way you never had before. When someone asks me if you were good at something and I tell them yes, they laugh. They say they'll never look at you the same. My feelings will get the best of me someday. My wall is getting weaker every sleepless night.
Night is when the enemy, the emotions, sneak attacks and goes for my heart first. Then my heart screams, my brain hears it up through my esophogus and my head hurts for my heart. The warriors try to escape by leaving my body through the tears. The tears get to my sleeping dogs and makes them feel as if they need to treat me. The dogs try to protect me but my heart keeps screaming, my head keeps hurting, and the warriors eventually come no more. When will the end of the war come? When will love and piece prevail? You tell me and you'll be my hero forever.
plagues.
Plagues are not just sickeness in epidemic form. Plagues are memories that hurt you over and over again. Dremers are constantely sick with "plague." I am plagued. I want you out of my dreams, my hopes, my prayers, and aspirations. I want you out of my future since I'm not in any of your dreams anymore. When will all of this plague leave? When will I be well again?
stuff from school.
Did I ever think about my future without you? No. I firmly believed you would always be with me. Boy was I wrong. You're not there when I'm gone anymore. You're not there to make me feel beautiful, talk to me, make me feel smart, or make me feel worth something more than I ever dreamed. So whats next? Are you going to stop acknowledging my existance?
Because of you I don't know whether love even exists. Love is a lie. Love means you don't leave. ve means you work out whatever is wrong. Love is when you "change" together. I loved. You didn't. I asked you so many times if you meant it. You lied. You led me to believe your lie. You're the only one that has ever done that to me. I will never let this happen again.
Because of you I don't know whether love even exists. Love is a lie. Love means you don't leave. ve means you work out whatever is wrong. Love is when you "change" together. I loved. You didn't. I asked you so many times if you meant it. You lied. You led me to believe your lie. You're the only one that has ever done that to me. I will never let this happen again.
September 19, 2010
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
To bad I have nobody to sing that song to anymore.
Anyways, I have heard the unfortunate news that there is always going to be that one person you just want to strangle, even when you graduate highschool, from my mom today. Maybe I just thought being an adult and going to my career was going to be like sunshine daisies. But reality kicked my ass again and told me different. That seems to be happening to me more and more lately. Maybe that just starts happening when and after your eighteenth birthday is coming up. I need to get a real job. I really can't wait until I can work nights. Then my sleeping problems would be solved.
Don't you wish everyday was like going to Cedar Point? Stimulating. Observant. Fun. Too bad school ruins that. Its not stimulating because of the white walls. The same shit fed to you, a different day of the week. Not too much room to be observant because you see almost the same people everyday except for like the freshman. But after a week you get annoyed and bored of them. Also, at CP, you see a whole bunch of AWESOME tattoos and outfits. You see attractive people from different states. You wonder what they're thinking. Or what they've checked out so far. What they've been on. Where they got that funky scar under their eye. You know, that kind of cool stuff. Everyday should be like CP. But its not.
I'm done for now.
To bad I have nobody to sing that song to anymore.
Anyways, I have heard the unfortunate news that there is always going to be that one person you just want to strangle, even when you graduate highschool, from my mom today. Maybe I just thought being an adult and going to my career was going to be like sunshine daisies. But reality kicked my ass again and told me different. That seems to be happening to me more and more lately. Maybe that just starts happening when and after your eighteenth birthday is coming up. I need to get a real job. I really can't wait until I can work nights. Then my sleeping problems would be solved.
Don't you wish everyday was like going to Cedar Point? Stimulating. Observant. Fun. Too bad school ruins that. Its not stimulating because of the white walls. The same shit fed to you, a different day of the week. Not too much room to be observant because you see almost the same people everyday except for like the freshman. But after a week you get annoyed and bored of them. Also, at CP, you see a whole bunch of AWESOME tattoos and outfits. You see attractive people from different states. You wonder what they're thinking. Or what they've checked out so far. What they've been on. Where they got that funky scar under their eye. You know, that kind of cool stuff. Everyday should be like CP. But its not.
I'm done for now.
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