The cutting my hair or shaving it idea hasn't gotten out of my head yet. So, since that has happened, I am now going to do one of those numbers to my head. Not sure which one yet, we will see. I'm nervous though. I don't usually get nervous about what people think about what I do but this time yeah I do. Nobody wants to get called dyke or get automatically labeled manly or lesbian when you're into guys and you like girly stuff. At the same time, I don't really care but I just don't feel like dealing with shit from assholes. I think thats what it is. I'm not scared of getting hurt. It would only hurt if someone I cared about said something thats supposed to be hurtful.
I probably talk about music entirely too much but I'm listening to the mountain goats right now and hes talking about like what hes doing without his significant other, and it reminds me a lot of my situation for the past few months. So many new old experiances. You get so accustom to doing things with that person that doing things without them is excruchiating and painful sometimes. I didn't go to church for about a month and a half because of all that and when I did I basically sobbed privately in the preschool bathroom for three fourths of the service. But all the big hurdles are over for me. I'm glad I was strong enough to suck it up and stick it out. Its brought so many wonderful people and feelings and memories. I still wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Not even close.
Wondering what aliens are thinking about right now when they're using their super cameras to look through windows. Or brain radios to listen to what minds are thinking. Maybe they're nocturnal. I'd rather look at the moon instead of the sun myself. Well, if I had a choice to look at the sun without going blind that is. I would also rather have clouds and rain rather than heat and sun. I'm not "goth" I swear. Just opposite. I wouldn't quite say unique. Because ironically, everyone is unique.
I find myself wishing I didn't worry about zombie attacks all the time. During the day I worry about that. Then at night I worry about an "I Am Legend" freak jumping up on my roof, smashing through my window, and instantely killing me and my dogs.
Now you don't wonder why I have insomnia.
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